While I was home for summer vacation, one of the most frequent questions I was asked was "How long are you going to stay?" It is a really good question, and Bss and I have been talking about it. Well, now, thanks to Destitute Rebel, I have a checklist to let me know when I have been here too long:
You know you have lived in the Middle East too long when:
1. You're not surprised to see a goat in the passenger seat
Check, I haven't seen this yet, but I wouldn't be surprised.
2. You think the uncut version of "Little House on the Prairie" is provocative
Can't check this one yet, but Bss and I were talking about how strange it was to see so much skin on people at home.
3. You serve coffee in a thimble
Not yet.
4. You understand that everyone's first name isn't Al
What? It isn't? (Just kidding. Check)
5. Your need a sweater when it's 80 degrees in the shade
Not yet
6. You understand "no problem" means "essential you follow up"
Oh boy, is this a check
7. You think a picnic means pulling over on the side of the road with your TV and live goat.
Not yet
8. You believe that speed limits are only advisory
Nope, haven't gotten over this one yet. I just completed my first year of driving here with no tickets at all.
9. You know whether you are within missile range of Iraq
This one should probably be Iran now, and check, I do know this.
10. You think black is appropriate daytime wear and that men should go to work in dresses and lacy hats
Check
11. You expect to go to jail when a local national hits the back of your car at a stop sign
Check
12. You expect your home office to call you on Fridays
I don't have a home office, so N/A
13. Your wear a jacket inside and take it off when you go out
Yep, I have done this in the past.
14. You can judge a perfect "10" by the ankle
Nope
15. You know which end of a shwarma to unwrap first
Not yet
16. You think the further you inch into the middle of the crossroads, the faster the light will turn green
Not yet
17. You carry an umbrella and it isn't raining
Not yet
18. You believe that the definition of a nanosecond is the time interval between the time the light turns green and the time that the guy behind you begins to blow his horn
Check
19. You give directions by landmarks instead of road names
Check
20. You can receive every television station except the local station
Check
21. You get used to using the cold water tap to get hot water during summer
Check
22. You can't buy anything without asking for a discount
Nope, I am a horrible negotiator
23. You understand that "wadi bashing" isn't a criminal act
Yep, haven't done it myself though
24. You make left turns from the far right lane
No, and while I still expect everyone around me to do this, I hate every single one of them.
25. You think Pepsi begins with a "B"
Well, I understand it, so Check I guess
26. You measure time by prayer calls
Kinda
27. You fax friends your map instead of your address
Change fax to email, and then Check
28. Your think tissue boxes belong on the dinner table
Nope, I prefer napkins still
29. You except the confirmation of your airline reservation to be "inshallah"
Check
30. You think only men should hold hands in Public.
You know, I was going to say nope, but I have to admit that it sort of shocks me know to see couples holding hands in public.
OK, so what is my score?
I come up with 17 and two n/a's, so I guess I haven't quite been here too long.
Any other suggestions or additions for the list? I think that I would add "Believe that staying in your lane is optional (especially in roundabouts" and "Have lost the ability to stand in line".
This blog began as a description of our life in Al Ain, UAE (United Arab Emirates). Brn worked at the UAE University Libraries Deanship for three years and Bss homeschooled our four children, D, B, P, and O. After returning to the the USA for five years, we are living in Abu Dhabi now.
8 comments:
Here's the list that I received some months ago - some of them are on yours too.
You're not surprised to see a goat in the passenger seat
You think everyone's first name is Al
You need a sweater when it's 80 degrees Fahrenheit
You expect everyone to own a mobile phone
Your idea of housework is leaving a list for the houseboy
You believe that speed limits are only advisory
You expect all police to drive BMWs or Mercs
You know whether you are within missile range of Iraq
You believe that the definition of a nanosecond is the time interval between the time the light turns green and the time that the guy behind you begins to blow his horn
You can't buy anything without asking for a discount
You have more carpets than floor space
You expect all stores to stay open till midnight
You make left turns from the far right lane
You expect gold for every birthday
You send friends a map instead of your address
You think it's perfectly normal to have a picnic in the middle of a roundabout at 11pm
You know exactly how much alcohol allowance you have left for the month
You have a moon phase predictor on your computer
You never say Saturday instead of Thursday or Sunday instead of Friday
You accept that there is no point in asking why you are not allowed to do something
You expect queues to be 1 person deep and 40 people wide
You realise that the black and white stripes in the road are not a zebra crossing, just bait to get tourists into the firing line
You know what night is ladies' night at every bar in town
Seeing guys welcome each other with a kiss no longer fazes you
You carry 12 passport size photos around with you just in case
You can tell the time by listening to the local mosque
You think it's a good night if there are fewer than 10 men for every woman in a bar
You start to say "Inshallah" when you actually mean "No f** ***g chance!"
You overtake a police car at 130 km/h
A problem with your car AC or horn is more serious to you than a problem with the brakes
You can smoke a shisha in public without expecting to be arrested
Thanks, those are too funny.
I thought of another couple:
You think taking your kids to the park at 10 PM is perfectly normal.
You don't think it is unusual when complete strangers come up to your kids and rub their hair.
You begin to miss pumping your own gas.
hahaha thats so funny!
Pumping gas in the US is something that still confuses the heck out of me. In some states you can pump your own, in others it's illegal. So I sit there like a dummy and wait to see if anyone is coming out to help me!
I think that it is time for you to leave. your comments are so derogatory of the people who live here and your only measure for right is your own background and culture. Please do us all a favour and leave tomorrow or tonight. Please.
'Aynawi,
I'm sorry that you feel that this post is derogatory of the people and culture here. I certainly didn't mean for it to be interpreted that way. Obviously you are entitled to your opinion, but I think that if look at the rest of this blog, you will see that I am not hateful or disrespectful of the people and culture here. Anyway, thank you for your comment.
I do have to agree on quite a number of those! Very entertaining, and I believe too it was not meant ina derogatory spirit, just acknowledging differences in culture. I am sure if Middle East people end up living abroad, they will come up with similar lists about these places;)
A little late, but point 16 could be expanded on:
16a). You think the further you inch into the first lane of the roundabout and completely block it, traffic from the left might decide to stop coming.
And to expand on your suggestion regarding lane change within roundabouts:
16b). You think that the most efficient way to pass through a roundabout would be to enter it from the rightmost lane, continue in a straight line without touching your brakes or reducing speed so that you're in the leftmost lane by the time you're in the centre of the roundabout, and then exit again either on the rightmost or centre lane, depending on which way your car was pointing at that point....
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